I Can't Write a Poem

I can't write a poem.
Why? because pausing with a caesura can be complicated
because rhyming doesn't always have good timing
because writing in meter is too hard
because using scansion stresses me out
because gradually alliteration gets annoying
because I can hardly spell onomatopoeia, let alone use it
BAM! because I want my readers to stay awake
because who's going to read it?
because personification dances circles around me
because sometimes poetry just doesn't make sense
because similes are "like a box of chocolate. You never know what you're going to get."
because punctuation isn't always important
because I use anaphora too much
because there's either too many rules or no rules at all
because I have to learn a lot of terms:

couplets, metaphors, iambic pentameters, and refrains
metonymy, hyperboles, stanzas, and quatrains

because I'm busy making excuses.